“Who am I? What is my purpose? And is there a God?”
My own testimony is closely tied to the question of “How does our knowledge of self depend on our knowledge of God?”
At the age of 16, 3 questions that plagued me were “Who am I? What is my purpose? And is there a God?”
Through our Theology class, I was reminded of and given new insight into these questions, and so here is my personal story and reflection.
PART 1
I asked myself some years ago,
What am I in it all?
Is there some God of love above,
Of Eden and the fall?
Perhaps it’s true, I’m here alone,
An accidental life.
How do I know who to become,
Such questions cause me strife.
Observing I live like a beast,
Am I a hairless ape?
Am I simply an animal,
Who managed to escape?
Yet love and sorrow, pain and pride,
Tell me I am much more.
A heart that melts from babies cry,
I even help the poor.
What if I was a vehicle,
As simple as can be.
You feed me food, I give you work,
Now that sounds more like me.
Yet once again I draw my thoughts,
To those who give me nought.
If value is in our output,
Then kill those who fall short.
So if I am not a machine,
The truth I cannot see.
Is it essential to myself,
That in all things I’m free?
But If I was imprisoned now,
Would I cease to exist?
Although I like my liberty,
My essence it has missed.
Am I then found in my desires,
Sex, wealth, power and fame?
If I had pleasure all the time,
Would that become my name?
But when I suffer, then I grow,
I thrive through my own pain.
I feel like me on sunny days,
And more so in the rain.
Do I exist in others eyes,
A construct of my friends?
Without present relationships,
Do I come to an end?
Yes I do love to be around,
People who make me grin.
Yet all seek solitude at times,
Even from our own kin.
All of these things hold something true,
But none can capture it.
Why do I live on this here earth,
In ash and dust I sit.
No matter where I find myself,
Emptiness finds me there.
If life has nothing more for me,
Why should I even care?
The earth moves fast, and I move slow,
What power do I hold?
Am I a pawn in no-one’s plan,
The thought turns warmth to cold.
I wish that none would think like me,
And soon realise their flaw.
Since everything is meaningless,
You’re worthless to your core.
PART 2
I searched for purpose everywhere,
And found nothing but death.
I turned back to the God of all,
The one who gave me breath.
I opened up the Word of God,
And started from the start.
And now I know why Genesis,
Is literary art.
I did not find a world of chance,
With me a roll of dice.
I found creation in his hands,
He even made us twice.
The first account I found purpose,
Image-bearer of God.
And care-taker of this here world,
On which I freely trod.
Not only did I find myself,
In charge of where I stood.
But even though I know I’m bad,
I found I once was good.
The second time the book told me,
That God produced a man.
I found out what I’m meant to be,
The life that God had planned.
Yes I was made not here alone,
But to live with a wife.
But not so I would forsake God,
To live with him for life.
Almighty God chose to make me,
I must be pretty great.
Yet soon I learnt this wasn’t true,
One chapter did I wait.
If I knew not the Holy God,
I could remain a fool.
Believing I was pretty good,
Prosperity the fuel.
But when I start not with myself,
But look first to Yahweh,
A truly wretched man I am,
For this by death I pay.
Since man is now destined to die,
Shall he be thrown aside?
Designed by God to be his own,
Yet from his sight to hide?
But there I find, in Jesus Christ,
The Holy Son of Man.
Irredeemable redeemed,
Salvation nailed through hands.
If God himself could become flesh,
Then we could be restored.
The purchase price, the Lamb of God,
Blood willingly out-poured.
Now that I know, how high the price,
That I placed on my head.
I see God’s love, so great it was,
Has risen from the dead.
I once was filth, now I am clean,
The Spirit makes me new.
But I still live as I once did,
God’s work is still not through.
In him I live, I breathe, I am,
Apart from him I cease.
For everything reliant on,
The Word, The Prince of Peace.
Without my God, nothing exists,
For me to compare to.
I cannot know of anything,
Nothing is really true.
So who am I, a son of God,
Adopted for his sake.
Redeemed restored, my life is his,
The cross I too partake.
Until I come fully restored,
I rage against my heart.
But now I know why I exist,
My God how great thou art.